


Vulnerability

by roseslotusvioletiris



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, More like sexual assault/attempted rape warning, No violence actually, therapy is cool!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23202982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseslotusvioletiris/pseuds/roseslotusvioletiris
Summary: When Hailey’s demons are reawakened, she finds herself battling between pushing them away or confronting them head on.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 4
Kudos: 98





	Vulnerability

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Wow, isn’t the world whack right now. My university has gone completely online the rest of the semester so there’s that.... and I’m so disappointed that our Chicago shows will have shortened seasons! But obviously everyone safety is the highest priority. Hope everyone is staying safe out there! 
> 
> In regards to this fic....I received a request to have hurt Hailey in some regard and to be in an established relationship with Jay. Hope I did the request justice! Always when I don’t write non-canon stories I tend to make Hailey and Jay a little bit better at being vulnerable and accepting help :) Still try my best to keep them in character though and struggle with doing this! Also not only them, but every one Chicago character desperately needs therapy. Like, go to therapy babies. It’s cool! I go to therapy and am in grad school to be a therapist! So yay therapy!  
> As always, I don’t own anything :) I take requests on my tumblr, @brettoniotrashcentral ☺️

Hailey followed Zane, a notorious drug dealer Intelligence had been trying to catch for weeks, down the hallway to a back room. She normally wouldn’t go off alone, but she could tell Zane was beginning to lose trust. With the deal supposed to go down the next day, this was crucial for her to keep playing the role. 

Even if that meant leaving Jay behind. He was sure to be upset later, both as her boyfriend and partner. Truthfully, she felt in her gut that she was making a bad choice. But she was thinking about nothing but solving the case so she agreed without considering the consequences. 

Going back on her agreement could derail the whole case though. And there’s no way she could risk that. 

She did have her headpiece in though, meaning if things would go south the rest of the unit would hear. And more importantly, hear possibly more information that could help their case. 

Zane stopped suddenly, almost causing Hailey to run into him. She was about to ask him where exactly she was being taken, but he opened the door to his right. 

She checked further down the hallway. Only one room was further. “Second to last room,” She mentioned casually, hoping Intelligence was listening intently. “Why so far back?” 

Zane gave her an incredulous look. She wasn’t being as smooth as she thought. “Privacy?” 

Hailey nodded, following him into the room. He closed it behind her, and locked it. Shit. 

“We need to lock the door for privacy?” Hailey turned around to face Zane. Both her and Carly, the undercover name she was using, were getting pissed off. “Come on man, all I want is to discuss product.” 

He didn’t pay attention to her words, taking steps closer to her. Despite the urge to step back away from Zane, Hailey held her ground. The intentions of the man were slowly coming to realization for her. But if she maintained her ground, her business persona, maybe he could be deterred. It had happened before, after all. 

She bit the inside of her cheek as he reached out to brush a stray piece of hair behind her ear. 

“I thought we could take a break for awhile.” He leaned in further with his head, aiming to attach his lips with hers. 

She took her step back now. Further from the door, closer to the wall. “I’m here for business, Zane.” She told him curtly, hoping he would get the hint. 

He didn’t. The moment he reached out and grabbed her, she thrusted up her knee to his crotch. 

“Fuck!” 

As he was preoccupied with his pain, Hailey dashed towards the door. Her hand barely grazed the doorknob before she was yanked back by her hair. 

Her head hit the back of the wall with a resounding thud. The pain immobilized her for a few seconds, allowing Zane to take advantage. 

He pressed his thighs between her legs to prevent her from using her earlier self-defense move. And with the lower half of her body useless, Hailey found herself unable to fight him off properly with just her arms. 

When he kissed her, he tasted of alcohol and cigarettes. She automatically opened her mouth as the smell had become too much for her to handle. Unfortunately, this caused Zane plunge his tongue in. 

She bit down on his tongue. Hard. His mouth was then off of hers, busy muttering an explicit to himself.

And then to her. “You bitch.” He swore, slapping her hard across her face. 

She closed her eyes, bracing for another blow. But instead his lips were on her again, this time on her neck. His hand began to travel up underneath her shirt, fingers running against her bra.

She would rather be punched, slapped, and beaten than be violated like this. While fighting with her voice was useless, she could tell the room was soundproof as soon as walked in, the bastard wasn’t completely stupid, she kept pushing against him with her hands. 

Zane just found her attempts amusing. “There’s no use, Carly.” He whispered darkly against her throat. “You can’t escape.” 

She was thinking about how to get the pocketknife she stuffed in her boot when the door bursted open. Intelligence. 

Before she could react, Zane’s body was ripped off of her and in front of her was Vanessa. The younger woman was talking to her, but Hailey wasn’t paying attention. Now that she was out of danger, she was in shock. 

She jumped at Vanessa’s gentle touch on her back, rubbing her hand around in circles. The action was grounding and helped Hailey regain focus. 

Unfortunately, this meant being overwhelmingly aware of everything going around her. Not to mention what just had occurred. Her entire body felt dirty, even the parts Zane didn’t touch. 

More than anything, she wanted her boyfriend. 

“Where’s Jay?” She managed to speak. She hated how weak she sounded. How must she look like to the rest of her unit? Despite Zane doing a good number on her, physically her pain wasn’t too noticeable at the moment. More like a dull numbness. 

Vanessa yelled over her shoulder for Jay. In the back of Hailey’s mind, she wondered why he didn’t check on her first. But she already knew the answer. And didn’t want to think about it. 

Jay soon replaced Vanessa’s place, crouching down on the floor next to her. She wasn’t sure how or when she got to the floor, but that didn’t matter. She was safe. She was safe. 

One moment she was on the ground, the next she was in Jay’s arms. 

Hailey let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. Now tucked into Jay’s chest, she felt her composure slipping. It was as if she was in the comfort of their apartment, not in the middle of work. 

Her body ended up betraying her when the tears began to fall. With her face being against Jay’s neck, he had to have noticed her current state. But thankfully didn’t bring attention to it. 

She has experienced countless injuries on the job. Been held at gunpoint. Kidnapped. But whenever her body was touched without her consent....she was taken back to that one New Year’s Eve night. 

She hated how she was affected by it more than the event itself. 

How much time passed by as Hailey remained in Jay’s arms, she didn’t know. But when she finally untangled herself from him, they were the only ones left in the room.

“Shit,” She swore, pressing her hand to her face. 

Jay grew concerned, taking her head gently into his hands. “You should go to the hospital just in case.” He said, pressing a finger at what she was sure was a bruise forming on her face. 

She managed not to flinch at the pain. “I’m fine.” She waved him off, her attention elsewhere. “Other than the fact I fucked up the case.” 

He lowered his hand back down. Her eyes followed. 

He had bruises on his knuckles. Ones that she was positive weren’t there earlier today. The sight made her sick to her stomach. 

Thankfully he didn’t notice her reaction, preoccupied with the words that had exited her mouth. “No one gives a shit about the case, Hailey.” She could tell he was trying to keep the anger out of his voice. “You’re okay and that’s what matters.” 

She knew he was right. But she’d rather focus on the case than what had just occurred. As always work was her distraction. 

“Let’s go see if we can get anything out of him.” She rose to her feet, and headed towards the door. 

Jay’s hand on her elbow stopped her. The hold was so gentle, it made her uncomfortable. He was acting like she was fragile. 

“Hailey, that isn’t a good idea.” 

Growing frustrated, she pulled her arm out of his grasp. Couldn’t he see she needed this? 

Arguing back was pointless. Instead, she made her way through the club, heading outside. Jay was practically on her heels. 

She couldn’t deny the comfort his close presence brought her. She thought leaving the room would help stabilize her emotions, but she was still the same. 

He spoke up again as they got into his car. “You don’t need to pretend you’re fine.” 

She was close to retorting back that she was fine when she comprehended his words. She didn’t have to pretend. She also didn’t need to talk about it. They could both exist together. 

“I’ll try not to.” That could be enough. Even if that meant panic was bubbling up in her throat, crawling its way to the surface. That her hands were constantly sweating, meaning she was also constantly rubbing them against her pants. 

This was why acting like she was fine was good for her. Good for her job. She hated not feeling in control. 

Damn did she want to distract herself with work. But she simply watched as Jay turned right, heading towards his house. Not the district. 

And she couldn’t fool herself. Heading back to the district and seeing the bastard wouldn’t help the case at all. It was like a punch in the gut when she realized that she would probably make it worse. 

“Fuck,” She swore, slamming one of her hands down on the dashboard. Once doing so, she became subdued again, not the type to have an emotional outburst. “Sorry.” She muttered automatically, despite knowing she had nothing to be sorry about. Her self-control was one of her traits she was most proud of, and when she lost it shame snuck its way in. 

Jay acted unfazed, which she appreciated. Although she knew underneath he was stressed as can be, because despite their relationship, and not to mention their years of partnership, she still generally kept herself as composed as possible. Not only for her own protection, but for his as well. The man always put too much on his shoulders and she bet he was putting blame on himself right now. “No need to be sorry.” 

“I know.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the headrest, taking a few seconds to gain the courage to speak her next thoughts out loud. 

“I should see Maria again.” Her old therapist. She saw her briefly after Booth appeared in Chicago, and the woman told her she would be able to come back if she wanted. 

Hailey wasn’t sure if she wanted to, but she needed to. What she was currently experiencing was more intense than the occurrence that got her into therapy in the first place. In order to get herself back to where she was, and possibly even better, she had to do this. 

A small voice in the back of her head told her that she could do this by herself. Not be vulnerable, push it all away and focus on work. But she knew what would occur. Sleepless nights, anxiety, restless thoughts. She would be able to hold it all together for work, she was sure, but she wouldn’t be her most effective self. 

Jay’s voice broke into her internal struggle. “Good idea.” He was regularly seeing his own therapist. Six months in, he was working on issues that ranged from his time in the army to his childhood. Getting to a place of fully accepting therapy was a long journey for him, and it still swelled Hailey’s heart up with pride.

Hailey opened her eyes again. The car had stopped, and Jay’s house was in front of them. Wiping her hands on her pants again, she unbuckled her seat belt. But when she reached for the door handle, she found herself unable to get out of the car. 

Jay, who already had his door open, shut it when he realized Hailey was staying put. She could tell he wanted to say something but was hesitating. She filled the silence instead. 

“Can we sit out here for a bit?” She asked, pushing through the uncomfortableness of approaching vulnerability. Once she got out and into his house, she would feel the need to do something about what she experienced. And she wasn’t sure she was ready for that yet. 

Sitting here was comfortable. Sitting here she didn’t have to deal with the incident that happened less than an hour ago. 

Jay reached out to grab her hand. She tensed up for a brief second at the contact but willed herself to relax into his familiar hold. 

And once again Hailey closed her eyes.


End file.
